Intimacy: Week 4

4 – Resolving Conflict


Key Scripture: Song of Solomon 5:2-6

Root Causes of Conflict:

1.  Unmet expectations

2.  Self-Centeredness

“My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me.” – Song of Solomon 5:4

“I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the bolt.” – Song of Solomon 5:5

“I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke. I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.” – Song of Solomon 5:6

How we can resolve conflict Biblically – three promises to make:

1.  I will respond, not react. 

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:21

2.  I will focus on the good, and not the bad. 

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8

3.  I’ll talk and not walk

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” – Ephesians 4:26-27

“Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me— Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.” – Song of Solomon 6:5

Discussion Questions:

– How much of a problem would your family/friends say anger is for you?  Share a time when an unmet expectation made you a lot angrier than it should have.

– Do you see your self-centeredness pretty clearly?  How does it play in to your conflicts?

– What did Todd say the difference is between reacting and acting?  How can you work to prevent from being reactionary in conflict?

– Why do you think it is important to talk about and even practice handling conflict before you are married? What are the consequences if you don’t?

– Who might you need to work through unresolved conflict with this week? How does leaving it unresolved damage you? How does it damage God’s testimony in you to others?